Day Eleven

Day Eleven

25 August 2006

I have a deep fatigue today that keeps my eyes red and heavy and my body and mind moving slow. It is not a sad or a depressed tiredness, my heart is rather happy. I think it is fatigue from lack of sleep and perhaps fighting off my smallpox vaccine. We had a large church service in the Hanger Bay tonight. Though I was too tired to sing, my heart was singing. The breeze from the ocean through the large elevator doors felt like the Almighty’s hand stoking my face to remind me of the love he has for me. It was one of those times when I truly felt God’s pleasure in where I am and what I am doing. Though I miss my husband immensely. Though I am so fatigued. Though I long to be back in the mountains…I would never choose to be anywhere different than where I am now—just a tiny soul in a steel hull cruising through blue waters singing praises to God with a ship-load of dear souls.

Day Ten

Day Ten
24 August 2006
What to comment about today??? I watched the helicopters drop their SAR (Search and Rescue) swimmers into the middle of the ocean and then watched them get picked up again. Looks like fun, though I will leave it to those swimmers to be left treading water in the middle of nowhere waiting to be hauled up. Only one more time change, thank goodness! Then I can get back on a regular schedule. I am looking forward to that! That’s it for now. Goodnight!

Day Nine

Day Nine
23 August 2006
Today was not quite as busy. We had a General Quarter’s Drill and Mass Casualty drill attached to it. We all have our stations when the ship is being attacked so an alarm goes off and we all go to our stations. We then work with mass casualties, initial treatment and then to medical (aka Main BDS, Battle Dressing Station) so they can be stabilized, taken to surgery, or transported off the ship. It went well. I was feeling pretty run down after it, though, so I was able to catch a nap in the afternoon (which did wonders for me) and had a good workout. I just finished our nightly smallpox and predeployment screenings. Only a few more nights of that and we will be in port for a few days. I will be able to tell you more as soon as we leave that port do to security.
I was blessed today because I had two wonderful one-on-one conversations with some of the other female officers. They talked about their current struggles and prayer and faith. God’s words to me kept going through my head, “comfort, comfort my people says the Lord.” How faithful is the Lord to bring people into my life that share their struggles so that I can pray and lift up and identify with my fellow sisters. He is mighty to answer and I so look forward to watching him work in their lives! Their conversations have also been a blessing to me just to have some females to identify with and enjoy some companionship and talk (as we love to do!). Good night!

Day Eight

Day Eight
22 August 2006
Today was a long day. I had about an hour for lunch and dinner and spent the rest of my day until 2100 in the medical department. Good times. There is just so much paperwork to be filled out and so many patients. Sometimes I get frustrated because there are 4 providers on board but I often feel like the only one working. The surgeon actually saw two patients today with some dragging of his feet even though he was on duty and my schedule was packed with appointments. At least he took those two off my hands. I will have to praise his help. Perhaps he will attempt to help a bit more! I think a good night sleep (on my more comfortable bed) will help. My bag of popcorn and a handful of skittles has also helped. Ha!

Day Seven

Day Seven
21 August 2006
Today was a fairly busy Monday. I had two patients that came in for throat swelling and dyspnea because of their “swollen airway.” The first ate a shrimp at lunch that he has become allergic to over the year. He took benadryl and then came to medical concerned that his throat might swell shut. He was not very excited about that prospect. The second came in at dinner time. He just finished running on the flight deck even though he was battling a cold. Just after he stopped his workout, his eyes became blood shot, his eyelids and checks and lips began to swell, he no longer could breath out his nose because of congestion, and he felt a lump in his throat with pressure in his chest with breathing which were seeming to become shallower. It was nothing that a bit of epinephrine subcutaneously could not fix. In 1.5 hours both were back to normal, one with benadryl the later with epi. The first had a local allergic reaction and the later, for some reason, had angioedema likely an anaphylactoid reaction. Too bad I cannot dig more into the reasons (we have only so many resources). They were interesting, and I am so glad those two could breath the entire time (needless to say, I know).
I am going to attempt to make my bed more comfortable tonight—the more I sleep in it the more it is becoming a hammock. Also, I have a sore arm now because of our wonderful smallpox vaccinations. I fear I am going to have to figure out a comfortable sleeping arrangement that will not include my left side. I forgot about always sleeping on my left side when trying to decide which arm to submit to that silly virus. My vanity made the decision instead. Who would want a scar on your dominant arm? Ah well, it will be a scar with a good memory…

Day Six

Day Six

20 August 2006

Today was Sunday. I had a nice morning. I laid in bed listening to some worship music, made some coffee and then went down to medical triage where we have church. It was pretty full this morning. The sermon was about weathering storms in life. Trials, sorrows, disappointment are bound to come in this world, so how are we going to weather them? Chaplain Hendricks made three points: we need to obey God, we need to build a firm foundation on the Lord, and we need to realize that God is with us in every storm. It was a good sermon and I am very excited about how our fellowship with everyone who was there is going to grow during this deployment. After a wonderful big brunch of potatoes, and omelet, not-so-good orange juice (Kaalan would die on this ship with the orange juice being the way that it is), and strawberry shortcake, I went up to the Flag Bridge to study the ever-changing shades of blue and grey of the sky and water and started a new book that my mom bought me called To Walk and Not Faint: A month of devotionals on Isaiah 40. I am very excited to go through it. I think that I will try to read a chapter twice a week to make it last through part of my deployment. That will give me time to contemplate the verses that it talks about. The first chapter was great! It expounded on Isaiah 40:1. Comfort my people, says the Lord. The author, Marva Dawn, states: "There is comfort to be given, declares the Lord, and God wants to give the comfort of his truth, the entire truth concerning both our condition in relation to him and his gracious remedies for our brokenness. She reminds us that each individual person matters to him and that his is an everlasting solace. It is this solace we can pass onto others, because he desires comfort for those who are hurt and broken. So, I just pray that my eyes can be opened to those who need comfort and will freely take that comfort I have already felt during this time away from home.

The other highlight from today is that while I was running on the flight deck, breathing in some fresh air and feeling the sun on my skin, we were sailing toward a grey wall of clouds. As we neared them, two ends of a rainbow appeared, its middle lost to the huge white thundercloud above it. It was very beautiful. I think with that thought, I will try to go to sleep. I still am having a hard time falling asleep because of the time changes. I think I left my ambien at home because I finally broke down and decided I needed a little help tonight but could not find them (You would have been proud, my reaching for some help through chemistry, eh Sharon? Ha!). Perhaps tomorrow I will also try to figure out a way to make my bed a bit more comfortable. Good night!

Day Five

19 Aug 2006
So, Mom thought that perhaps I should not label my entries with the number of the day that I have been gone since it might be depressing. I suppose that it is, but I just wonder at how I will feel when I place my last entry at day 120? Perhaps I will not be gone that long…perhaps it will be longer. It is so hard to say. So medical has been medical—thankfully nothing exciting to report. The surgeon has been very apologetic in a certain kind of way for his initial impression. I wondered if he would change his tune. I actually think that he will be quite helpful which is nice. Mom made sure to remind me, “love him, you might be surprised.” It is amazing how that advise has worked time and time again on the many people I have been around all for the past several years. Often it is my quick judgment that places me ill at ease with someone, then reason and a still small voice in my soul reminds me to love just as my mother did. After getting over myself and my “initial impressions,” I have been amazed at how the people I feared might be my undoing turn out to be my favorite advocates. I need to remember this lesson way before I am so quick to judge.

I have been reading a lot the past few days. With the time moving forward one hour almost everyday (as we cross time zones), I am having a hard time falling asleep and then a harder time getting out of my rack. So I have been reading. Before I left, I had bought a book call, Thorn in my Heart by Higgs, a Christian historical fiction writer. I was not very impressed with the book (I had only bought it for 5 bucks) but plowed through. The last third of the book pulled me into the story, though, and so I started the 2nd book in the series. I cruised through that one because it was so extremely tragic and heartbreaking. I even came close to tears the storyline was so sad and I wondered why in the world was I putting myself through the torture of such a remorseful story that seemed to only be getting worse. I remembered one of my professors in college telling me, “words are like sandpaper to the soul. They keep it sensitive.” So I have kept at it, sensitizing my heart. I just started the 3rd book and I am bound to figure out how the author is going to make it finally a happy, redeeming ending. And how I like happy endings. Do we not love to involve ourselves in characters that endure unreasonable hardships and then come out on the other end rewarded, all the better for what they went through? I am into the 3rd book and am still waiting for the happy ending. As I lay on my hard rack with a hot water bottle at my feet because it happened to be cold in this ship last night (no one complains because we know it will end soon), I was thinking about how long we often have to wait to see our difficult, heart breaking, sometimes nauseating situations turn into something good. I know that my sorrow could never match that of the character I am reading about and her sorrow could never match that of many of the people who live in this broken world. But I know that every situation can be redeemed because of what Christ did for us on the cross. Sin destroys (as I have read in my book) but He promises to turn our sadness into gladness. Even though we feel like we have to wait an eternity to see our sorrow transformed, I know with all my heart that it will be so. How often have I seen this happen in my short life? Sorrow will end, just as I know that my book will have a redeeming ending. Though I and the world might have to wait a little longer, our broken hearts will not only be mended but will be transformed into bigger, fuller, more alive hearts than we could ever imagine. How very exciting to know that God’s love will do this! And when I pay attention closely, I know that he has already begun the transformation of my heart now, in this imperfect life…my imperfect life.

Day Two

I have my music going right now. I have not had music in my room before and it is so nice. Usually I would just pop on the TV I think because it was noise and company. Now I have music so I can read, email, or think without the distraction of TV. It is nice. So I bought a new computer with Kaalan’s help right before I left which is awesome. I was able to download most of my CD’s and have some great speakers and a subwoofer too. It is very decadent. I watched a DVD on it last night and it was perfect (though the movie left much to be desired—Payback with Mel Gipson—not on the recommendation list). I am currently using my ship laptop to write emails. Yes, I live on board ship with 3 computers that are at my disposal. Rough life, eh? I just came down from the “Flag Bridge” which is an area that sits right below the main bridge (where the boat is driven). No one is using the area now so there is 2 captain’s chairs and windows along the whole length with two balconies on either side for me to enjoy. It is great now because it is also air-conditioned. With the weather being so hot and humid it is hard to see sunlight because you also melt at the same time. There I can enjoy the view and be comfortable. I studied there a bit this evening while watching the sunset and a helicopter landing and taking off for practice. I will have to take advantage of that space more! Today was busy just seeing patients, some with earaches, urinary tract infections, joint pain, and cholesterol issues. I also taught a Cardiovascular Health class and had about 12 people there. Not bad. I have not worked out yet today because the gym is just so warm it is hard to motivate myself to get there. I think that I need to become a morning person but we are going to keep turning our clocks forward almost every day while we cross the Atlantic. That does not make it any easier to wake earlier. Oh well…such are my dilemmas right now. Life is simple out here, don’t you think? Ha!

Day One

So here I am day one of my deployment to the other side of the Atlantic. We have no set destination or mission yet, though we have 10 days for the high up admirals decide what the wonderful Saipan is supposed to do so that we can make good use of all the tax payers’ money.

I left by beloved husband before the sun came up. With tears in my eyes I hugged him, wondering how in the world I could ever live without him day to day. I walked up the pier (weighted down by 4 more bags of stuff because I seemed to think that I needed more creature comforts than I already had!) and entered into a different world—one without families, spouses, cell phones. We are all about running the ship and getting to be family amongst each other on a little grey steal island. It is an interesting experience. That is not to say that as you are falling asleep visions of you loved ones and the lack of their tough does not squeeze out tears, it is just that you fall into a routine that everyone else is doing and the days seem to tick off one by one and the only thing that makes you aware of the passing days is that church is held on Sunday and the reveille bells go off one hour later ( at 0700, also known as late sleepers).

So I got my new room organized and felt an overwhelming sense of guilt as I spread out my massive amounts of “things” in a 4-person room all the while thinking of my fellow corpsman in one of her 3 person high racks (bunk beds essentially) with one little locker and the space beneath her mattress (aka coffin tops) to store all she needs for daily living and comforts. Don’t worry, my guilt has been lessening as I get more comfortable and further away from land. When I went down to medical (down one level from where all the officers live) with my freshly brewed coffee, a Medical Emergency was called on the loud speaker. Shoot, no relaxing morning sipping coffee as I read my hordes of ship/Navy email. Corpsman were running everywhere with their medical bags but then the patient came in carried by several other sailors. We have a large room we call the Emergency Room for situations just as this—with all the necessities that one needs to revive and keep patients alive (that is, if you know where to find it!) The guy was a thin, long kid of 18 years old, green and clammy, lethargic but responsive (GCS 15 for those of you who care). Apparently while standing in muster he got sweaty and fainted, landing on the ground essentially unscathed except for skinned knuckles. He said he had felt a little nauseated but had no other complaints when I asked him how he felt. He was a healthy guy but had taken some Sudafed for congestion that morning. His blood pressure was good, heart at first a little slow, and O2 sat was fine. His heart monitor looked a little abnormal, though, and heart rate was speeding up to about 130. His EKG showed atrial fibrillation (abnormal heart conduction that can make the heart rate irregular and fast). Thankfully, we had about 30 minutes until the brow went up and we set sail for the seas. EMS was called and the kid was safely bundled off to a local Emergency Department. Following up on him, he was released and has a cardiology follow-up. We would have been fine taking care of him had his heart decided to have this episode while we were in the middle of the ocean, but it is always a nicer thing to have cardiologists with all their test available to the patient. .

An hour later “The Deuce is loose” was called over the intercom, meaning the Saipan aka LHA-2 aka the Big Deuce was no longer moored at the pier. Sailors in their whites manned the rails (lined around the sides of the ships) and it was a beautiful morning. The rest of the day was fairly uneventful except for meeting our Surgeon. So this underway we do not have a whole FST (fleet surgical team) like last time, just a partial one including a surgeon, OR RN, CRNA, ICU RN, respiratory tech/OR tech/ICU tech corpsman, and a clinical psychologist. The ICU nurse was wonderful when I was taking care of the a-fib guy! It is nice to not have to worry about trying to tell and teach someone how to do something quickly. I have not yet met the CRNA (he must exist though), the OR nurse is a bit of a salty, about to retire, cynical guy. The psychologist seems to be high maintenance stereotypical psychologist petite, overly make-uped lady. And then there is the Surgeon…So I already have a bit of a bias toward surgeons that is, shall we say, a bit on the not so good side. I should qualify by stating that I mostly stereotype general surgeons as opposed to ENT’s of which I am particularly fond and extremely biased in a good way of one ENT in particular. So back to this wonderful, gift to the world, God’s hands, worship me and who I am surgeon. Have I given away my first impressions of the guy? My red hair came out in a vengeance (and I am sure nostrils flaring, face the color of hell’s fires). Anyway, he basically does not want to do much and made his intentions clear about that. He does not want to be bothered with much and will hold clinic for any surgical matters once a week for one hour. Hernia? They need to wait till Monday because he is too busy sleeping in his stateroom to descend the ladder (stairs) to medical (that is my supposition). Abscesses? He does not do the work of an intern! (I said, oh, thank you very much for that comment!) Skin lesion? He does not have anything to do with general practitioners’ work! Concerned about a patient or have any questions? It will be fine to call him, he will not yell at me! That was when I said, no, you will not ever yell at me because that is not how we work on this ship. All of this happened after he failed to even introduced himself, I guess I was supposed to know everything about him already and thank my lucky stars that someone like him can be around to help out should we need it! Truth be told, I am thanking my lucky stars but I do not think that it will help his ego to express that thought. I am sure that I will have an absolutely different opinion of him at the end of this cruise, so be watching for my change of heart. He did try to be nice as I think he realized what an ass he sounded like. We will see how that works. The guy has not even taken the time to track down Dr Moll, the senior medical officer and essentially his boss who out ranks him. No good first impressions going on—he is going to find himself on the duty schedule very soon I think!
So, there you have it. A snippet of my first day! I think that I will get a cup of tea and try watching a DVD on my new computer to see how it works. Goodnight!