Day Eighty-Three

5 November 2006
It’s November! Wow! Time keeps rolling along. We are back to the same region to do mine sweeping demonstrations again. We have the huge helicopters back on our flight deck. I just cannot believe how big they are (and they are not even as large as the duel prop helicopters!). When they are stowed in the hanger bay or for high winds on the flight deck, they look like huge cockroaches. Ha! I was running on the flight deck again this evening during sunset, and the helicopter props just loomed over me. You feel like a shrimp.

The sunset was very nice. The air is slightly cooler this time around. The heat index only goes up to 102 or 104 F. I watched the full moon rise in the east—it started as a dull pink and then became a radiant yellow as it slowly rose. I could not run long enough to watch the moon turn into its normal white sphere with its face smiling its awkward smile at me. I will have to catch that smile later tonight.

Yesterday and today I have felt the heart twisting pain from being separated from my beloved husband. It seems like so many things lately has been reminded me of him. Today a guy played a song in church that Kaalan would often sing. I watched guys playing their guitars during a talent show yesterday and just pictured Kaalan playing his. I find that a lot of the conversations I have lately always have something to do with Kaalan—kitchen, dogs, medicine, home, travels, friends. I stare at his pictures longer. I reread his notes and emails. I constantly wonder what he is up to. I long to see him, touch him, watch his mouth move when he talks to me. I simply need to rest my heart in his arms. How amazing is Kaalan? He selflessly let me go on my way and serve my country without spreading any discouragement or guilt and with his full support. He does not even complain when I cannot tell him when I get to come home. Even though he has no problem letting me go, I know that he loves and misses me and longs for me to be home. How perfect is Kaalan? No other person on this ship even comes close to comparing to him. He fits me, heart and soul. He knows me so well that he can laugh at my idiosyncrasies and gently guide me down sane, non over-reactive decision-making paths. I used to feel so complete and independent before I married Kaalan. Now I do not know how I ever felt that way. I am so much more complete and confident with Kaalan as my companion. I still feel his support, love, and wisdom from so far away (thank God for email and satellite phones), but it is nothing like having him at arms length (or less, ha!). Eighty-three days is just too long. But I have more to go…I just look forward to Kaalan’s bag of gifts that he gave me as I was boarding this ship so long ago. One gift per week—I open one after he sends me an email telling me the significance of the gift. I have loved each one because they remind me how much Kaalan loves me, and they show me a small part of who he is. The bag is slowly emptying which is a very encouraging sign. When it is finally empty, I get to see Kaalan again. How happy will that day be!

God, thank you so very much for giving me such a companion and friend. Where would I ever be without him? He is perfect for this crazy emphatic soul of mine. Only you could have known what kind of husband I needed. Thank you for such a beloved gift! Amen.