Day Twenty-five

8 September 2006


So my “daily’s” have not been so daily. I just have not been too inclined to write. I think it is because things seem to be a bit routine and not worthy of documentation. Certainly my attitude is nothing to remember. Funny how attitudes can flux as much as the tides, at least mine has. I have been battling with annoyance, passing judgment on those around me, impatience, and an extremely low tolerance. I would like to blame it on the heat. And it is hot, actually HOT! Wouldn’t it be nice to blame my personality flaws on something else? Alas, I cannot. They are too real and come from the a deep part within me. At least I have and am being awakened to the fact that they are there! I remember growing up not really having any idea about what was wrong with me (though, I was keenly aware that something was). I am sure my family knew. Poor siblings…what they had to endure! Ah, well. So now I write with repentance, wishing so much that I could be rid of such imperfections forever. How thankful I am that I can confess to God (who I know must shake his head at such silly faults) and find relief in the fact that Jesus has freed me from my blemished and ugly personality. I know that I am not only free but his love can flow through me and cover my faults so that he can still be glorified. I sometimes am so embarrassed that I can be so selfish and intolerant. Where does it come from? Then I wonder how could people ever see me as kind and loving for the depth of fault I have. God is so powerful that he can still use me to love others—he gives me all I need to do this. How wonderful to know that the caustic side of my personality does not reign!

So, ship life…the medical side of things has been fine. We have been looking at everyone’s arms to make sure that they have a proper response to the smallpox immunization. So far, a few arms have looked like mine and they were also arms that belong to very fair skinned, blue-eyed people like me. Funny…only a few have gotten sick like I had been. I am so glad those reactions are the exceptions! Lately a lot of my intolerance, etc., has been for patients that come with silly complaints or pains and expect instant relief and a diagnosis. So many come to medical at the first sign of any pain or abnormality that a diagnosis is impossible because they have not allowed whatever process to really manifest before seeking a cure. And what is one to do with pain in feet and knees that has been going on for several months though they continue to run and walk daily in boots on steel decks? I am tired of giving reassurance and getting looks like I do not know what I am talking about. I guess it is the curse of every doctor to feel the reproach of those with imperfect bodies who are not willing to be sick or hurt or change their lifestyle. I just wish that it did not bother me as much as it does. This will be a lesson that I hope to be able to say I learned and look back and laugh at this time that I did not know how to deal with it!

Currently I am at my desk in my office. It is after dinner and I am waiting for the one phone-line medical and dental share that allows us to call local (Norfolk) or 800 numbers for free. It is difficult to get a line free when they are working properly! At least we have them. I cannot imagine how things worked just a few years ago without email and satellite phone! We have been out to sea 4 weeks now and have received mail once. Now people are excited about the mail for packages not necessarily news from home. We are very fortunate! I will keep this in mind as I have been waiting an hour for the phone line to open up.
The pictures that I am including are from the Suez Canal. It takes about 12 hours to get through the canal. As we transit, protection is provided by the Egyptian Army (a soldier at a lookout every mile or so, or 1-2 soldiers in a jeep or on an ATV driving on land along side of us). It is a very interesting experience. The canal is one-way with a large lake, The Great Bitter Lake, in the middle where boats in opposite direction go past each other. The scenery is desolate yet striking. The history of the wars in that region makes me pause in my ignorance and amazement. As I stood in the cool breeze of the morning (which quickly turned hot), I wondered how I had ever come to such place. I am blessed that my own eyes get to see such a different part of the world. It is such a shame to not be able to walk the streets of the small towns we pass and get a better idea of the smells, activities, beliefs, and colors of those who make them home…