Day One-Hundred and Twenty-Nine

22 December 2006
I am home!!!! Praise God for such a successful and safe deployment—the last one of the USS Saipan! We have manned the rails. We have heard the cheers from our loved ones. We have waited for the ship to be moored. Now I get to go find my amazing husband in the crowd! I am so thrilled to be home!

Day One Hundred Twenty-One

13 December 2006
It is unfortunate that I have stopped writing as many entries as I used to. I guess I have had a hard time reflecting back on some of these mundane days as time goes by on this ship. I also have struggled quite a bit with my attitude. This GMO (general medical officer) life is getting to me, I think. Complaints about colds, minor joint pain, skin rashes, and paperwork for periodic health assessments, transfers, separations, retirements, special duty, etc. can get so old, boring, and very annoying. All I want to do is save a few lives, diagnose some real illnesses, and patch some people up! I have been looking so forward to residency to learn about and treat actual sick patients that I have lost track of where I am right now: I am making sure that the US sailors are in good health so they can do their jobs aboard this Naval vessel. When I take the time to focus on them, I find patience and even joy in all these people. Such personalities, backgrounds, and talents! I need to swallow my pride of being a “just” a GMO and thrive where I am at. Every morning I pray that God will give me patience and proper perspective of what I am doing. I know others are praying for me, too, and I can feel God’s hand on my life. I am such a blessed person! God has been gracious to remind me of this truth.

One blessing He also bestowed on me was a wonderful port visit to Greece. We “parked” in Piraeus and took the metro into Athens. Laura and I stayed two nights in a wonderful hotel next to the Temple of the Olympian Zeus, at the base of the Acropolis. We ate well and put some miles on our shoes as we spent a full day wandering around different ancient sites and going through the shopping district (Plaka). Of course, we loved hearing Greek spoken everywhere and looking at all the signs which are in a different alphabet. Greece is part of the EU so we used euros again (I used up what I had left from Italy—when we were headed to the gulf), and most signs were translated into English and almost everyone spoke English. Small pedestrian streets hosted hundreds of little stores and restaurants. The bakeries were full of baklava. Small storefronts sold everything one could imagine. Olive oil, olives, and Uzzo (a licorice type liquor rumored to contain heroin) were sold everywhere. Since the Olympics, the area of town we were in still seems to take on a very touristy feel. A lot of places seemed to have undergone a quick upgrade that does not seem to quite cover all the years of filth and being rundown. I am sure that it is quite an improvement, though, and I really enjoyed my visit to Athens. I look forward to returning and visiting the many numerous islands.

Day One-Hundred Twelve

4 December 2006
This morning I set my alarm to wake me at 4am. The Broncos were playing Sunday Night Football and I needed to see how our new rookie quarterback was going to do. It ended up not being that great of a game—we had 5 turnovers and lost. Oh well, Seattle did not do that great either—Hassleback had a hard time putting plays together and Sean Alexander did not show off how good he really is. It was kind of fun, though, laying in bed, sipping coffee that I made in my little coffee pot, and watching the game with my Christmas lights giving a soft glow to my room. It was also cold (the temperature dropped dramatically has we headed north through the Red Sea yesterday and last night). I got to snuggle in my blankets like most people do in December.

The rest of the ship was busy at that crazy early hour. We had just entered the Suez Canal when the game was starting. During the game, I went out to take a lap on the flight deck and watch the sunrise. It was fridged! The cold air was shocking! It has been so long. Unfortunately, the sunrise was not the greatest—the air was a bit hazy. But as I peeked my head out all day between seeing patients, the haze disappeared and the horizon line sharpened up. The contrast between the tan sandy land, the blue sky, and the green water of the canal was beautiful. It was probably made all the more beautiful since the canal and its landscape is the passageway home—away from the tormented Gulf and toward the country we love. Ah, yes…it was nice to watch the land go by on such a glorious day. The air warmed a bit as the sun rose, but the winds picked up. The wind off the ship is funny. It makes my clothes sound like flapping flags and billows them up so that I look twice my size. Plus my hair would not stay out of my face no matter which way I stood, so I decided my pictures were going to have to be mostly Gretchen-less. It was a wonder to reach the end of the Suez shortly before dinner. The Mediterranean opened up before us, welcoming us to the Western world again—a world where this ship does not feel quite as despised and our guard can be lowered (but just a bit). The opening to the Med also was a symbol that we really are on our way home. There is no denying that now! I felt it in every sailor that I greeted today. The sunset over Egypt was brilliant and memorable. Now every sunset I see will be in front of the bow of the ship, which means we are headed west towards home! I am so excited!

Pinning!

I have only a few more weeks to go until this deployment is over. Hurray! It is winding up and I will be home just in time to spend Christmas with Kaalan. I am so excited. I have been doing fine. I just was pinned as a Surface Warfare Medical/Dental Officer. In order to get this "qualification" and thus wear the pin designating me as such, I had to study for a while, go to different places on the ship, watch certain operational evolutions, and memorize a ton of Navy aviation/ship/weapons/engineering/damage control information.

All that hard work finally paying off!

I am then tested on this information by sitting for a "murder" board--several officers sit around and ask me various questions for an hour. I get my final qualification by sitting for the actual oral board--the CO, XO, and department heads asked me more questions (but only for a half hour this time. They figure I know most of the info if I did well on the murder board). I had this board this morning and got "pinned" at lunch. Good times! It is nice to have this done. I really enjoyed learning all the information by going to the numerous spaces around the ship. It is nice to know about the place where I have lived for the past four months (and worked for the past year and a half)! What Can Brown Do For You?

Day One Hundred One

23 November 2006
Happy Thanksgiving! It was holiday routine on the ship today. I started my day at 0300 with a call from my corpsman (I had duty overnight). A sailor was suffering from a kidney stone. After squaring him away with an IV and pain medications I went back to sleep and did not wake until 0830. I could not believe that I had slept that long without waking to any bells and whistles.
We had a nice church service in the hanger bay and then had brunch. I took a short snoozer after I ate and then went to the flight deck for an all officers photo. The Turkey Trot was the next event—several people showed up. I was unable to run because my knees still hurt so I walked the trot. It was fun. I still got a great workout because the winds off the bow were about 30 knots. It was something! In the afternoon, I took some time to read one of my books called “Captivating” (which is wonderful).

Then came Thanksgiving dinner. It was incredible! Ham, turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, green been casserole, sweet potatoes, shrimp, fresh roles, lots of deserts, and more! So much food and it was all great!
After dinner I spent some time emailing and then had my Woman’s Bible Study. The study has been such a blessing to me. It has been so fun reading and studying the Bible with other ladies on the ship. I think a lot of them want to continue meeting when we return back to port which I would love. We are going to start a new study soon, and I am praying about which one to start.

So this Thanksgiving holiday on the Saipan was great. Lots of friends with whom to celebrate. It has ended too soon. I am currently waiting for a phone line to call Kaalan and hopefully reach some of my family. Kaalan is not working today (I think either he or I have had to work the past few years of Thanksgivings). He gets to have dinner with our friends Kelly and Nathan. Knowing Kelly, it was going to taste wonderful! One of these days, Kaalan and I will get to celebrate Thanksgiving together. Perhaps next year?

Day One Hundred

22 November 2006
I have been out to sea and away from home for 100 days. Wow! It was a very nice day. It is getting cooler out. Highs are in the 80’s now and very tolerable. I had to run my PFA today. The Physical Fitness Assessment consists of sit-and-reach, sit-ups, push-ups, and a mile and a half run. I had to fast over lunch since we ran at 1300 (I did not feel like having a side stitch for the entire run). By that time, the sun was awfully hot; though, the air was not too bad.
I was a bit worried about the run. After going out for a run last Sunday (for all of ten seconds) my knee made me quit because it hurt so bad. This time, I took a Motrin and did fine (except my mouth was so dry because of the heat. I was a bit afraid of swallowing my tongue it was so sticky!). I am currently icing my knees and wondering how sore I am going to be tomorrow because of doing push-ups until my whole body was shaking (which made also me laugh and then I could not stay up any longer and I did a dramatic crash onto the mat). After a quick shower, I then gave my once-a-month cardiovascular health class. I have made all those who have high cholesterol come. The Navy’s new requirement is every sailor must have his or her cholesterol screened every 5 years. We have had to test many cholesterol levels this past year and a lot (perhaps one third) are elevated. Because of that, I implemented this cholesterol lecture (Thanks, Mom!) and then schedule those with really high levels and other cardiac risk factors to see me personally after attending the class. It has worked well. I had no idea that so many people did not have a clue about good and bad fats and cardiac risk factors. Thankfully, I grew up in a house in which a good diet was ingrained into my lifestyle (using butter is still very decadent and reserved for special occasions! Thanks, Mom!) Hopefully a couple of my sailors will think back to that lecture they had to attend and make healthy decisions in the future.

So, I did not include one event in my last entry that occurred during my time in Dubai. I still think and fret a little about it but am getting over it. During the second night at our hotel, I woke up around 0100 with my palms itching. Itchy palms! Yes! I could not believe it. I went to the bathroom, put lotion on my hands and went back to bed. They were still itching and burning a little. As I laid there, I realized that my lips did not feel right either. They also burned like they were really chapped and was made worse then I would rub my tongue across them. Weird, I thought. I must be in some sleepy haze where pain is ultra intensified. I tried to ignore everything until I realized my lips were actually larger than they ought to be. I got up and went to the bathroom again were I discovered Angelina Jolie lips as well as a chin that was solid as a board (it was taunt with fluid). I noticed, too, that I was itching my belly. I took a look and sure enough, I had a bright red rash all over my trunk with a few hives on my flanks. Wow, I thought. I had never had those! So this is how uncomfortable they are! Then, just after I discovered my bright red and itchy belly, my throat started itching. This is not good, I thought. Thankfully, I had Benadryl in my first aid kit that I carry in foreign ports. I took one and then sat on the floor (in my very nice and spacious bathroom) to see what my body was going to do next. Everything still itched including my head, my arms started developing the rash, and my lips grew a little larger. I could not believe that I was experiencing such a major allergic reaction! Over the next hour, I pondered on what the heck I been exposed to. I had never had such a reaction in my life! And if I had been exposed to something, why had it taken 4-5 hours to illicit a reaction (we had been back in the room around 2200)? I could not figure it out. I got up to reassess myself in the mirror. I adjusted my head to the light just so to take a look at my throat. So that is what felt so strange! My uvula (the hangy-down-thing in the back of your throat) had become twice its size. Crap! I thought. How much worse is this going to get? I wish that I had an EpiPen! I thought a little longer about taking another Benadryl (I was surprised the first one did not knock me out cold!) and could not decide…but then I realized that my tongue was beyond my front teeth. That is not where it usually sits in my mouth! Crap! I took the second Benadryl and sat on the floor again. This time I felt my pulse raising as I concentrated on figuring out if my air was going in and out of my lungs like it should. Yep! Except, it seemed a bit labored, but then again, I felt like I was about to start panicking. I did not want to go to the hospital in Dubai! I have plans tomorrow! I am the doctor on the ship. Doctors aren’t the ones who get sick and go to hospitals! I had to talk myself down and then started talking to God. The next hour I prayed and thanked God for my full life (and prayed my tongue would not get any larger). I also realized just how precious life can be and how easily my health and even life can disappear. I thanked God for them and was reminded to not take them for granted. I also learned that my patients who have the same reaction will need frequent reassurance and empathy. That I was now able to give. Such were my thoughts and prayers in my swollen, early morning, Benadryl stupor!




Several hours after it all began, my tongue returned to normal, my itching subsided, my hives were nearly gone, and my lips had not enlarged further. I decided to crawl back in bed. We were waking in a little less than two hours to call the ship to muster. I would check on my progress then. When we woke, I informed the girls of my situation. They did not have to hear much from me. One look at my face and listening to my voice, they knew I had something wrong. Apparently my uvula decided to continue to swell while I slept, so I had a “hot potato” voice. My lips were still rivaling Angelina’s. Thankfully, though, no itchy palms or belly! I kept trying to swallow my uvula and kept gagging on it whenever I talked. Yuck! My Benadryl controlled mind put me back to sleep again. I woke a few hours later and met the girls by the pool. My voice had returned to normal but the lips still were full (but luscious I should say). What an experience! I could not get myself to take another Benadryl because my head was still so cloudy, but I improved as the day went on. By lunch my lips were about normal and by late afternoon, I no longer felt the need to swallow my uvula. That allergic event is one that will haunt me because I will never know what I reacted to. Such a weird experience! But everything turned out fine, and I did not have to experience Dubai’s hospital (of all places I have been abroad, however, Dubai’s American Hospital would have been the one to be at). Now I have a dramatic story to tell and one to obsess a little about. What happened to me that night? I have just recently stopped going to bed thinking about waking with itchy palms; though, I am wary about eating anything that I had that previous day in Dubai. So the lessons I now carry away with me: 1. health is a gift not to forget about and 2. carry epinephrine in your first aid kit.

Portstop Pictures

Here are some pictures of my recent time in Dubai:
Natives of the desert
Sunset on my "desert safari"
Indoor skiing and sledding. Can you imagine doing that in the desert?

Day Ninety-Seven

19 November 2006
I cannot believe that I have allowed so much time to go by without an entry! I guess that it is good thing that time has been flying. This past week and a half has included two port stops which has definitely been a lot of fun and has aided to the time going by quickly.

We first got to try out our sea legs on land in Bahrain. It was just an overnight stop to drop equipment off, but we were able to have on-base liberty, which ended at midnight. How much I would have loved to go to one of those wonderful restaurants like the last time we were here, but I had no complaints about the base. It is so nice. Valerie and I went shopping in the NEX and commissary to restock up on essentials. For me the essentials included a few CD’s, Gatorade, coffee, granola bars, tape, and cards. I spent plenty of time wandering around looking at everything. I then ate a very yummy hamburger and fries in the food court (the burgers on the ship are just not worth the calories). After dinner, we went to the Officer’s Club. It consists of a large room with tables, a computerized jukebox, a pool table, and of course a bar. By the time Val and I got there, most of our fellow officers were fairly well lit up. It makes for some decent laughs for a while but then got a bit boring trying to have any sort of conversation with people who were acting pretty stupid. I never have to buy my own drinks in places like that because there are so few females and everyone wants to be nice and treat me to a drink. I am such a lightweight that can easily get a bit “lightheaded” and cross-eyed if I drink more than one and a half drinks. I have learned that after I drink my one very much anticipated beer, a second one has to stay in my hands at least half full or people will keep making sure I have something to drink. I like my fellow officers; they are kind even when drunk. Ha!

We then arrived to Jebel Ali a few days later. Jebel is in the United Arab Emirates and right next to Dubai. Talk about a bleak region of the world! It was flat, sandy, and had a few dusty bushes sticking out here and there. Everything was a shade of tan there just as it was in Bahrain. The weather was decent. I think around high 80s to mid 90s in the sun. Nothing intolerable. November is a very nice time to visit this region of the world. I celebrated my 31st birthday the day we arrived by staying at a wonderful hotel with Laura and Valerie. The Grand Hyatt is indeed grand and was absolutely lovely! The lobby was huge and stunning with marble and a lovely and outrageous chandelier. It had many restaurants and over priced stores in a huge “atrium” that had beautiful water pools and greenery. The hotel room had a huge bathroom complete with full sized tub and separate shower. We had plenty of room even with our 3 oversized twin beds with down comforters. Our window overlooked the immense grounds that included several pools, tennis courts, and running track. Beyond the hotel grounds, you could see Dubai creek that allowed the only large about of natural greenery that I had seen in the region growing along either side. Of course, Valerie and Laura did not let me pay for a thing for my birthday. We had drinks and salads in the lounge of that beautiful lobby and then had Lebanese food in a place called Atwar. We ate rich food out on the balcony of the hotel. We then went to get different deserts at a bakery located in the gardens of the atrium. I was spoiled. Who says that your birthday might be boring when you are on deployment?

I really did have such a great birthday. I was made to feel special starting the evening before when I call Mom and opened the packages she sent me. Wow! Such fun gifts from her and my siblings! Then the next morning, my corpsman sang to me in muster and three of them (my favorites—I really should not have favorites, but what can I say?) gave me a very sweet birthday card. I then called Kaalan and opened the huge box that he sent me while he was on the phone. Such fun things! I love that guy! Later, Valerie gave me a card all the pilots signed and another one of them, Tommy, gave me some little cakes to use as my birthday cake (he tried to find a candle but he said he got funny looks when he asked around. Fire and ships don’t really work well together apparently). Then my birthday concluded with an awesome time at the hotel. Such a special day!

Anyway, the next morning, we slept in without bells or whistles waking us. We found our way out to the pool and were greeted by an attendant who laid out a full sized towel on a cushiony lounge chair. I had lathered every square inch of my body with sunscreen so that I could lay out in the sun. It was glorious. I had not been exposes to the sun in so long! After about an hour of relaxing and reading I took a swim. The pool was perfect! The rest of the day I camped out in the shade of an umbrella. We had lunch delivered to our lounge chairs. Attendants brought ice-cold clothes for our heads and cool cucumbers for our eyes. Ha! We then went to the spa for our massages followed by a soak in the hot tub and short time in the sauna. Val and Laura also got facials and pedicures while I went out to spend some more time by the pool. Such a relaxing and restful day! We had another wonderful time eating cheese and drinking wine in the wine bar and ending the day with another great dinner at a different restaurant in the hotel.

We left the next day around noon to make it back to the ship to catch our “Sunset Safari” tour. It was a blast! We 4 wheeled with a guide in the sand dunes for about an hour as the sun set and then arrived in a camp where we smoked sheesha, ate dinner, watched belly dancing, lounged on cushions set on carpets that covered the ultra fine sand, road camels, received henna tattoos, and enjoyed the perfect evening weather. I had duty the next day and my corpsman were gracious enough to make lunch and dinner runs to the Oasis so that we could continue to take a break from the same ol’ ship food. The USO runs the Oasis. It consists of a group of buildings right off the pier that have Subway, Burger King, Starbucks, and many other small stores that surrounded a court yard filled with tables and chairs that support the many personel off Navy ships that stop at that port. I cannot remember much of what I did on my slow duty day except planning my shopping trip for the last day in Dubai. Laura, Val, Marty, left in the morning to find the Gold Souk. The souk contains tons of stores selling amazing jewelry—gold, pearls, jewels. The pieces were gorgeous! I wish that I had done a little homework on good prices for gold because I had to barter with every purchase. I am sure that I did not get too good of a price, but what can an ignorant American do? Surrounding the jewelry stores were tons of small booths and store fronts that had silk, wool, cashmere, hand crafts, and anything remotely Arabic for sale. Again, the Indian influence in the crafts was evident. I walked away with my credit card warm, my purse relieved of excessive Dirhams, and my backpack full. From the open market where you had to barter for everything, we went to one of the largest, most modern looking malls I had ever been in. It is called the Mall of the Emirates. This mall contained the famous indoor ski slope. Here we were in the middle of the desert and ski outfits were being sold! It was something! A lot of sailors went skiing just to say that they skied in the desert. Such an unbelievable structure! Again, I did a lot of purchasing thinking that this was my one day to do any type of Christmas shopping this year. We had such a fun time. We made our way back to the ship with arms laden with bags like most of the other sailors.

Dubai is such an interesting place! It seems like they have more money than they know what to do with. So many buildings are being constructed that even islands right off the coast are being built so that even more buildings can be constructed on them! When driving from Jebel to Dubai, there is a 4 lane highway with exits just like you would see in the US--gasoline station and fast-food joint and all (surrounded by nothing but sand). Suddenly you enter a forest of high rises in which at least half are topped with a huge crane while undergoing construction. The buildings are tall and each has very unique architecture. They are not huge—perhaps about 3 buildings would span an average city block. As we left one group of buildings we passed a ton of new looking town homes, tons of them. Then we entered another huge group of buildings. That seems to be all that makes up Dubai! I was told that a 1500 square meter area of Dubai has 75 hotels (a lot of them still under construction)! My grandmother told me that because of all the recent construction, Dubai has 15% of the world’s building cranes. It was a bit overwhelming to think that a city is just being built in the desert. The population of Dubai is 70% foreign. Many people speak English. Another odd experience was to climb in a cab and not have to haggle over the price! It is the first place I have been out of the US where the taxis have meters. Needless to say, I greatly enjoyed my time in Dubai. I cannot think of another reason why I would ever travel there. I feel so fortunate to get a taste of such a place!

I am now on the ship again. The day we left port we got the final verdict on our possible extension over Christmas. It was rejected so we are back to our original schedule. The cheers could be heard throughout the ship as the CO made the announcement over the 1MC. How nice to be home sooner. I am ready to see the sunset on the brow of the ship. That means we are heading the right direction to get home. I am very glad people will get to be home with their kids and families for Christmas. I am just ready to be home with Kaalan! Now we just bide our time. It is going to take a while to get home. Today I was struck by how far away we are when I looked at the map. It is amazing! I am so thankful for this experience, I have to admit. The time away from home is hard, but this is why I joined the Navy! We have 2 more brief Mediterranean stops and then the Atlantic…it is nice to have a hopefully stable schedule again!

Day Eighty-Three

5 November 2006
It’s November! Wow! Time keeps rolling along. We are back to the same region to do mine sweeping demonstrations again. We have the huge helicopters back on our flight deck. I just cannot believe how big they are (and they are not even as large as the duel prop helicopters!). When they are stowed in the hanger bay or for high winds on the flight deck, they look like huge cockroaches. Ha! I was running on the flight deck again this evening during sunset, and the helicopter props just loomed over me. You feel like a shrimp.

The sunset was very nice. The air is slightly cooler this time around. The heat index only goes up to 102 or 104 F. I watched the full moon rise in the east—it started as a dull pink and then became a radiant yellow as it slowly rose. I could not run long enough to watch the moon turn into its normal white sphere with its face smiling its awkward smile at me. I will have to catch that smile later tonight.

Yesterday and today I have felt the heart twisting pain from being separated from my beloved husband. It seems like so many things lately has been reminded me of him. Today a guy played a song in church that Kaalan would often sing. I watched guys playing their guitars during a talent show yesterday and just pictured Kaalan playing his. I find that a lot of the conversations I have lately always have something to do with Kaalan—kitchen, dogs, medicine, home, travels, friends. I stare at his pictures longer. I reread his notes and emails. I constantly wonder what he is up to. I long to see him, touch him, watch his mouth move when he talks to me. I simply need to rest my heart in his arms. How amazing is Kaalan? He selflessly let me go on my way and serve my country without spreading any discouragement or guilt and with his full support. He does not even complain when I cannot tell him when I get to come home. Even though he has no problem letting me go, I know that he loves and misses me and longs for me to be home. How perfect is Kaalan? No other person on this ship even comes close to comparing to him. He fits me, heart and soul. He knows me so well that he can laugh at my idiosyncrasies and gently guide me down sane, non over-reactive decision-making paths. I used to feel so complete and independent before I married Kaalan. Now I do not know how I ever felt that way. I am so much more complete and confident with Kaalan as my companion. I still feel his support, love, and wisdom from so far away (thank God for email and satellite phones), but it is nothing like having him at arms length (or less, ha!). Eighty-three days is just too long. But I have more to go…I just look forward to Kaalan’s bag of gifts that he gave me as I was boarding this ship so long ago. One gift per week—I open one after he sends me an email telling me the significance of the gift. I have loved each one because they remind me how much Kaalan loves me, and they show me a small part of who he is. The bag is slowly emptying which is a very encouraging sign. When it is finally empty, I get to see Kaalan again. How happy will that day be!

God, thank you so very much for giving me such a companion and friend. Where would I ever be without him? He is perfect for this crazy emphatic soul of mine. Only you could have known what kind of husband I needed. Thank you for such a beloved gift! Amen.

My Space

Yes, I do also have a MySpace account (which I cannot use while on the ship due to the high viral risk to the entire ship's network), but this post is just to show you all what my room (or space) looks like on the ship.